As I was about to leave school today, around 6:00, some feebly bewhiskered kid asked me (and I think he called me, "sir," which is very polite in one way and weird in another) whether I could tell him where the faculty mailboxes were located, because he had to deliver some end-of-semester portfolios of student work for friends. They had left town and he himself was about to leave tomorrow.
I: "They're upstairs, on the second floor, but the office is closed."
He: ?!
I: "Yes, they close every day around 4:30--you know, the 'work week'? 'real life'?"
He was surprised and perturbed.
Given that it was late on the last day of a long week and he was clueless and hadn't bothered to think any of this through, I was really tempted to say: "Hey, too late. You're screwed. Next time, plan ahead." But, thinking of those hapless friends who had trusted this feckless fool, I restrained myself (it is after all the proverbial Christmas season). Even though I was late for an errand, I took him upstairs, unlocked the office door, and helped him find each individual mailbox.
One envelope had to go to another campus office.
I explained which one.
He asked me where it was.
I told him, but added, "Well, it's closed, too. All the offices close around the same time."
He: "Well, when does it reopen in the morning?"
I: "Morning?!" (to self: WTF!) "MONDAY morning! There's also this thing called a weekend. Perhaps you have heard of it. College offices aren't open on weekends. Staff have lives, too, you know."
He looked stunned and deeply disappointed, so I told him he could probably just put the envelope in campus mail for the professor in question. He didn't know how to do that, either.
At this point, I was sorely tempted to direct him through the cold and dark to the farthermost barn of the outlying Physical Plant facility on Bay Road. But again, the Christmas spirit prevailed, so I patiently explained how he could notice the "campus mail" slot when it stared him in the face as he walked into the campus Post Office that he no doubt visited every day.
So, let me get this straight: Our students want to be radicals and "question authority" and change society, and maybe they even follow elections and vote on matters of urgent public policy such as taxes or war and peace--but they have no idea that there are things like labor laws and contracts and that real people--the staff that make this place run efficiently and respond patiently to the selfish requests and complaints of faculty and students alike--work limited hours and are not there day and night in order to act as their servants?
We're in great shape.
I doubt that my ideal of a "real life 101" course will come to pass. We'll never agree on a core curriculum, and we are in fact in the process of revising our educational requirements yet again (a sort of obsessive-compulsive ritual act that we perform every three to five years as a substitute for productive activity).
Maybe we could instead just buy each student one of those bumper stickers reading, "THE LABOR MOVEMENT: 'The folks who brought you the weekend.'" I bet it'd look good on a Lexus.
Speaking of labor laws and contracts, it's worth noting the irony that "progressive" Hampshire College has consistently, and at times, viciously, fought unionization of staff.
Come to think of it, let's get a few of those bumper stickers for the administration while we're at it.
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